TENNIS TALK APRIL 2011 BSTC Website: http://www.borregotennis.com Anza Borrego Tennis Center website: http://www.anzaborregotennis.com Other newsletters: MAR OCT Indianhead barely visible in "Country Club Canyon", March 16, 2011 (Click for enlargement)
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APRIL 16 - 17, 2011 STRAIGHT DOUBLES TOURNAMENT

The next tournament will be the weekend of APRIL 16 - 17, 2011.

Start times will be posted here by about 9pm on Friday April 15, 2011
SIMPLE IRAs	401-Ks	403-Bs	Roth IRAs
Court 1 at 9am Larry Wagner - Don Wilson Tom McClure - Curt Hawkins	Court 2 at 9am Ursula Hawkins - Marla Anderson Jacque Goodrich - Mary Marchese	Court 3 at 8am Kersti Garthwaite - Vicky Koerner Tery Moy Freed - Vicki Mercer	Court 4 at 8am Jim Munce - Denny Bean Gary McNamara - Ron Romeo
Court 1 at 11am Al Lieb - Pete Azar Sheldon Baker - Jeff Marxen	Court 1 at 8am Jan McNamara - Mary Kay Romeo Roz Smyth - Concha Rivera	Court 1 at 10am Sandi Kean - Marily Bean (winner of court 3 at 8am)	Court 2 at 10am Dave Chrivia - Ed Ghiorso (winner of court 4 at 8am)
Court 2 at 11am Doug Baker - Lonnie Hawkins Jef Johnson - Mike Shoemaker	Court 4 at 10am Janna Wagner - Bonnie Wilson Teresa San Filippo - Harriet Lisak	Court 4 at 9am Annette Marxen - Laurel van Gilder Barabara Ash - Julie Kehler	Court 3 at 9am Harold Larson - Harold Plett Borden Granger - Herb Benham
Court 3 at 10am Ken Shallahamer - Drew Shallahamer Gary Edwards - Joe Stehly	Court 2 at 8am Peg Lieb - Janie Munce Nine Hanson - Judy Smith

The format will probably be the standard double elimination format. As this is "the season", it is a good idea to make reservations early. If you are planning to play, you must sign up by 6:00 p.m. on the eve of the tournament. Sign-up at the clubhouse, or contact Jef, phone 760-767-4536 or e-mail: jefbstc@gmail.com, or if all else fails, call the tennis center at 760-767-0577 the Friday night before the tournament (definitely before 6 p.m.). The draw will be completed by around 9:00 P.M. and play will begin on Saturday, as early as 8:00 a.m. After 9pm on the Friday before the tournament, Jef will try to upload the draw (including partners, start times, and opponents) to our website at www.borregotennis.com and click the tournament date. If you want us to call you with the start time, and don't have internet access, add your phone number with your name when you sign up, or, preferably, arrange to have someone you know check and contact you. Also, if you are just joining the club, please provide contact information, preferably an e-mail address, if you wish to receive a newsletter, and if you want to be listed in the club's directory. If you want to share and consume goodies, there will be a Goody Bar in the clubhouse on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

APRIL BANQUET

As you know, our last tournament for the season takes place the weekend of April 16-17 and this is highlighted with our annual banquet. We are lucky to have the fabulous ‘Yorba Linda Gals’ as our emcees so I can guarantee it will be a fun and festive evening.

Sandi Granger has kindly worked with a local caterer (Connie Brooks) to come up with a tasty and reasonably-priced menu. For the entrée you have a choice of meat loaf or chicken. The meat loaf has gluten-free turkey and Italian sausage (not Italian sauce as previously announced). This will be served in the form of cup-cakes and topped with mashed potatoes. The chicken Marsala is served with pasta and both dishes will be accompanied with fresh vegetables, a green salad with balsamic dressing and dinner rolls. Included are hors d’oeuvres, desert, iced water and iced tea.

As usual, hors d’oeuvres will be served at 6:30 p.m. and dinner at 7:00 p.m. Bring your drink of choice.

If Roz hasn't received your payment yet, the price for the dinner is now $20 person. Roz needs to receive payment 1 week before the tournament. MAKE CHECK PAYABLE TO BSTC. Mail your check to Rosalyn Smyth, 3050 Rue d’Orleans, No. 239, San Diego, CA 92110. PLEASE NOTE ON THE CHECK YOUR DINNER CHOICE (chicken or meatloaf).

Note that it is not necessary to bring plates for the Banquet; all cutlery and plates will be provided by the caterer. Attendees will need to bring their drink of choice for our 6:30 p.m. gathering when hors d'oeuvres are being provided.

Water and iced tea will be available with dinner but please bring your own wine or beer.

Our M.C.'s Marla, Sandi and Barbara will be holding a contest for the best Easter bonnet/hat, so it is time to get busy and show your artistic side. Let's see some colorful creations for this fun event!

In addition to the Easter Bonnet/Hat contest, Marla will have a silent auction during Saturday - You will have the opportunity to bid on each of 4 WOOD RACKETS, and ... wait for it ... An AGASSI POSTER! Proceeds go to the Club Kitty. Bring extra cash!

Any questions or changes to your Banquet reservations, please contact Rosalyn Smyth at rcsmyth@peoplepc.com or telephone (619) 222-9687, cell (619) 723-2875.

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SAN CLEMENTE CAMPOUT

The Borrego Springs Tennis Club extends an invitation to its annual beach get together in San Clemente, California on the weekend of September 17, 2011. This event has taken place for several years with some members camping at the local San Clemente State Beach Park, some renting local hotel/motel rooms, and some just making a day trip for tennis at the nearby courts.

All who plan to show up should coordinate with others whether a pot luck barbecue dinner and/or a get together at one of many great local eateries could be arranged. Probably this will be done at the tennis courts on this weekend.

BORREGO NEWS

We dodged another bullet at the last tournament, as it rained Sunday night, well after the March tournament concluded. The season has had a good number of storms pass thru.

Between the February and March tournaments, Sheldon accidentally cut his leg with some broken glass and hit an artery. Medical personel had trouble stopping the bleeding, but finally succeeded. Stitches were needed, but the wound was healed so well by the start of the March tournament, that it wasn't easily noticed.

MARCH 2011 TOURNAMENT
Janna awarded Marilyn her birthday gift. I'm just guessing, but #30?	Bill Linder won the $50 drawing! Congratulations, Bill!	We had good weather, despite a little wind, and completed the tournament with 44 participants a few hours before the rains hit the valley. With 24 men and 20 women, 4 women had to double up. On Sunday morning, Mary Kay collided with partner Ken Shallahamer (subbing for Herb Benham) when going for a ball, and she unfortuneately wound up hitting her head hard on the court. 911 was called and she was shipped to Pioneer Hospital in Brawley. After running all the necessary tests, she was pronounced okay and released. She sent an email after getting home thanking all who helped her, and reported she was fine except for a nasty bump on her head. We witnessed some great tennis and had our LAST potluck of the season. Thanks again to Fred and Susan for fixing a nice lunch featuring the seasonal corned beef and cabbage that raised more funds for the club.

RESULTS OF MARCH 2011 TOURNAMENT(WON - LOSS record)
BUSY BEES	THIRSTY SKEETERS	TARANTULA WASPS
WINNER Bill Linder - Marla Anderson (4 - 0)	WINNER Harold Larson (1-2) (sub for Ron Romeo 3-0) - Sandi Kean (4-2)	WINNER Ursula Hawkins - Harold Maier (4-1)
RUNNER-UP Ken Shallahamer - Mary Marchese (4-2)	RUNNER-UP Ed Ghiorso (sub for Herb Benham 2-1) - Concha Rivera (sub for Mary Kay 3-0)	RUNNER-UP Larry Wagner - Peg Lieb (4-2)
Barry Frahm - Mary Kay Romeo (2-2) Curt Hawkins - Concha Rivera (0-2) Bill Hanson - Eileen Childress (1-2) Don Wilson - Harriet Lisak (1-2) Dave Chrivia - Bonnie Wilson (0-2) Jake Foley - Nine Hanson (2-2)	Gary McNamara - Marla Anderson/Bonnie Wilson (2-2) Harold Larson - Vicki Koerner (3-2) Jack Strasberg - Marilyn Bean (0-2) Harold Plett - Barbara Ash (1-2) Lee Lisak - Sandi Kean (0-2) Ed Ghiorso - Marilyn Bean (1-2)	Al Lieb - Susan Dow (0-2) Sheldon Baker - Joanne Cohen (1-2) Doug Baker - Roz Smyth (1-2) Fred Dow - Jan McNamara (3-2) Jef Johnson - Janna Wagner (0-2) Mike Shoemaker - Penny Pralle (2-2)

BSTC SCHEDULE FOR 2010 - 2011 SEASON

Oct 30 - 31 2010 Mixed doubles	Feb 19 - 20 2011 Straight doubles
Dec 4 - 5 2010 Straight doubles	Mar 19 - 20 2011 Mixed doubles
Jan 15 - 16 2011 Mixed doubles	Apr 16 - 17 2011 Straight doubles
Sep 17 - 18 2011 San Clemente campout tennis weekend
BSTC SCHEDULE FOR 2011 - 2012 SEASON
Oct 29 - 30 2011 Mixed doubles	Feb 18 - 19 2012 Straight doubles
Dec 3 - 4 2011 Straight doubles	Mar 10 - 11 2012 Mixed doubles
Jan 14 - 15 2012 Mixed doubles	Apr 14 - 15 2012 Straight doubles

RECYCLED EMAIL JOKE submitted by Liz S. on Sep 18 '04

LITTLE TONY at SCHOOL

LITTLE TONY ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the Triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

MORE LITTLE TONY ON MATH

Little TONY returns from school and says he got an "F" in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks his father Big Tony?

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'", replies Little TONY.

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH

Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Little TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."

Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied! , "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Maria, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Maria," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on Little TONY.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'That's Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"

LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER

Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business.

NEWSLETTER JOKE INDEX since 2002