Some Email Jokes Jef got in 2000


Jan 26, 2000 from Julie
Sound bites
  • A good pun is its own reword.
  • All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
  • Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh d'Etat!
  • Deja Flu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.
  • Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
  • Vuja De': the strange feeling you get that nothing like this has ever happened to you before.
  • Evolution: Life's a niche, and then you die.
  • Fantasy isn't our crutch -- it's arcane.
  • Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
  • Live Faust. Die Jung.
  • Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around.
  • I'm not born again -- my mother got it right the first time.
  • Witches use brooms because nature abhors a vacuum.
  • All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and unlimited power.
  • But if I learn from my mistakes, it'll take all the fun out of making them again.
  • Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
  • So much to do. So few people to do it for me.
  • I know it all -- I just can't remember it simultaneously.
  • American Non-Sequitur Society -- we don't make sense, but we do like pizza.
  • Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
  • A day without sunshine is like, night.
  • On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  • I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  • 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
  • You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
  • I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
  • Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  • Remember half the people you know are below average.
  • Despite the high cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
  • Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • I intend to live forever - so far so good.
  • Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  • My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
  • Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  • Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.


Jan 18, 2000 from Vicki
Vincent Van Gogh

After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His obnoxious brother, Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt, Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop n' Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white, Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois, Chica Gogh
His magician uncle, Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin, Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half brother, Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach, Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle, Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt, Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst, E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking, Wayto Gogh
The little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco, Go Gogh
His Italian uncle, Day Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van, Winnie Bay Gogh





Jokes Jef got in...
2009 2008 2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001 2000
1999 1998 1997


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